It probably doesn't come as a shock to anyone that different people will naturally have different styles or personalities that come out when they become parents. In other words, not everyone parents in the same way. Some parents are more strict than others. Some are actively involved in every detail of their child's life, while others may seem rather indifferent.
total of four unique parenting styles. Although the titles may vary in some instances the following are the most commonly used and described parenting styles. Please be mindful of the slight difference in spelling between authoritative and authoritarian so as to avoid any unnecessary confusion.
Authoritarian parents are the most strict. They are rigid, demanding, and have low thresholds and margins of error to go with their high expectations. Authoritarian parents are almost like the dictators of the house. They seem to hover over the children waiting to strike them down when they make a mistake.
These parents don't feel a need to justify their perspective and expect total submission. They are not likely to discuss why a child is being punished the way that he or she is, nor are they likely to be open to discussing or hearing the child's point of view. For example, an authoritarian parent doesn't care why her son hit another child. It doesn't matter if it was out of jealousy or as part of defending his younger sister.
Children raised with authoritarian parents often grow up to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. They seem to go about their life as though their parents are still watching and waiting for the second that they mess up. These children may be more likely to have low self-esteem thinkin "nothing I do is ever right" and to rebel against authority figures.
Permissive parents are the least strict. They have few expectations for what their children should and should not do. Permissive parents allow their children to do as they please, not expecting much in the way of maturity Not only are they overly lenient, but they are frequently indulgent as well.
These parents seem to be seeking the affection of their children by acting less like a parent and more like a friend. It's clear that permissive parents care about and love their children, but they lack discipline skills. They build their children up with praise while expecting very little in order to earn that praise. Even when these children act out, permissive parents accept and allow the behavior either by pretending to not have seen it or simply choosing not to respond to it unless made to by a third party.
Children who grow up with permissive parents often become spoiled. They learn that their parents will allow them to do and have whatever they want. They don't learn the word no and assume that when they go out into the world that others will also submit to them. These children may never seem happy or feel satisfied, because no matter what they have it's not enough.
They can become impulsive, thrill seeking, and potentially dangerous to themselves and others as they try to rebel against a world that won't give them what they want like their parents would and as they seek out that something that was missing growing up. That something is discipline, responsibility, accountability, and the joy that comes with earning the respect and admiration of others.
Laissez Faire Parenting
Laissez faire (pronounced lay-say fair) parenting is sometimes also called neglectful parenting. These parents are not demanding, not strict, but not permissive or lenient either. They take a more hands-off approach to parenting. They set little to no rules or expectations for what is considered acceptable behavior. They also show little concern over what their children do, whether good or bad. While a permissive parent may want to be viewed in a positive light by their children, a laissez faire parent doesn't seem to care one way or the other what their child thinks or feels.
Parents with a laissez faire approach often seem detached and distant. They'll acknowledge their children and take care of their basic needs such as food and clothing, but otherwise expect their children to be on their own and responsible for their own actions. They often leave the role of parental discipline to the outside world, believing for instance that run-ins with the law and conflict with others will teach them decent behavior.
Children who grow up with laissez faire parents often have social difficulties, may feel unwanted, or unloved, and may have a hard time connecting with others. Not learning about how love and affection tie into how we treat each other, these people may be seen as insensitive and impolite by others. At the same time they are essentially forced to become independent and care for themselves. While this may seem like a positive trait in many Western cultures, it is also responsible for their difficulty in trusting others and getting close with friends and/or a spouse or partner.
Authoritative parents have clear boundaries and expectations. They explain to their children what is and is not acceptable behavior, along with what makes something acceptable or not. Authoritative parents care about the development of their children and make a point of listening to their child's line of thinking. They realize that what may at first sound like a bad thing in a certain context may not be so bad after all.
For instance if a child hits another child at school because he was defending his younger sister the parents may praise him for standing up for his sister and protecting his family, while also offering other ways of doing so that don't involve physical violence. In this way, authoritative parents deem misbehavior as an opportunity to educate and not simply an obligation to punish.
Aiming to be supportive and encouraging, authoritative parents answer questions and listen to the emotions of their children. These parents help children not simply to learn what they should and should not do, but more importantly how to make decisions on their own when situations aren't all that clear. When a child misbehaves, they also make a distinction between the child and the behavior emphasizing that while they disapprove of the behavior, but they still love and value the child.
Children who grow up with authoritative parents tend to be independent and self-confident. At the same time they feel socially comfortable asking for help and guidance when needed. They tend to be socially responsible, caring, attentive, and sensitive to others around them. They are also cooperative, friendly, flexible in life, happier, and have higher self-esteem. Clearly this is considered the most preferred parenting style.
Authoritarian - Strict and demanding
Permissive - Let their kids get away with anything
Laissez faire - Parents seem indifferent, if not neglectful
Authoritative - Have clear rules, are flexible, and supportive. Punishments correspond to the specific misbehaviors.
Whether we realize it or not, the parenting style that a child grows up with can have a dramatic impact on their personality and behavior both as they grow up as well as once they become an adult. Additionally, if two people raising a child together have different parenting styles issues will frequently arise that can cause conflict in the couple's relationship, as well as uncertainty and confusion in their children. This point can also serve as a reminder that people considering marriage and/or anyone planning to start a family together would be wise to discuss their parenting styles and preferences in advance.
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